Today, I am going to share some messages from Jude. These are screenshots of her own words. Back when I decided I was going to end our – whatever you wanna call it – relationship where emailing was concerned the first time because I was at my wits end with her odd behavior, she sent me this message.
My few trips to California wasn’t all business. She and I had many pow-wows. It was a hot and cold relationship perhaps from both sides. But when you’re sitting around in a strange place waiting to go back home, and everything is quiet, messages like these would brighten an otherwise dark moment in time.
Then there were the times I got strange ones from her. Feeling that there was always more to the story where she was concerned, I shared a few thoughts, and this was her response. The irony of this message was that I never mentioned “The guy next door.” - Or accused her of ever cheating on me. Yet this is what she sent one night.
And then there were conversations where we would discuss her coming to America and going to college here. But she was proud of her scholarship, and rightly so, but still, her ways always confused me. One minute, she wanted to go to college in the States and the next, she didn’t. I couldn’t keep up with her many changing moods.
But as we see-sawed back and forth between our many changing emotions – she would always use threats of suicide to try and manipulate me to give in to her wishes and wants. This is a prime example of it. And this is what I got tired of. Who wants to be with someone, even in friendship, if all they want to do is talk about how they want to kill themselves? But soon, those threats no longer worked. It only made me angry when she made them.
I look back on these things and wonder, how – or why – did everything go to hell like it did? I may never get the answer to that. I tried everything in my power to be a friend to her. It just wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to be friends in public, and I didn’t want to be friends in private. But why she had to go and befriend my new friend and blog partner just to manipulate her into allowing Jude to be an admin on our shared blog, I’ll never know. I’ll never know what demon took her over and made her think that I would be okay with that.
It didn’t have to be like this.
I’m Carroll Bryant … and this is The Looking Glass
Things we learned today:
* Not a God-damn thing