Friday, June 14, 2013

Madden 13: ESPN Killed Madden

*Heavy sigh*

It’s always the same. Every year since its inception, gamers look forward to the new Madden football. The anticipation was no different for Madden 13. The only thing is, this year, it was more bust than boom. It didn’t take long for me to figure out why.

ESPN …. Nooooooooooooooooooo!

First of all, gone was the “The Franchise” feature. It was reborn into something else entirely. That is only if you can figure out what it is. I had to get online to find it. Only to discover that in order for me to play franchise mode, I had to take over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach, Greg Shivano and his career. Bummer.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Bucs and I am perfectly happy with coach Shivano, but what if I weren’t? Anyhow, that is mild considering the crap I had to go through just to start my “Coaching Career”.

Even when you go into the game, you have a ton of ESPN crap slapping you in the face. The whole main screen has “fantasy tweets” by ESPN “experts”. (LOL) Okay, and you have these highlights of “features” that focuses on everything from unhappy players to contract negotiations and – gulp – college players.

Wait! College players? What the hell?

First of all, who cares about fantasy college players? Not I. And apparently, not too many other gamers either. Secondly, who cares about ESPN “experts” and their fantasy tweets? Again, not I. And apparently, not too many other gamers either. (Rinse and repeat)

Worse of all, I couldn’t go in and change generic player names either. Thanks ESPN. Thank you very much for ruining Madden Football. Why does it seem like everything ESPN touches goes to crap? First they ruined Monday Night Football for me by getting rid of Hank Jr. opening song, and by showing two games on Monday Night (not to mention the NFL Network ruining fantasy football for me by having “Thursday” night games every damn week, but now my Madden Football Game is ruined?

Trust me when I say, more is not always better.

Then of course there is the Madden draft. I mean, I took my lumps after paying over 50 dollars for the game, gave it a try and played the first season and really getting geared up for the off season mode, my favorite part of the Madden Game and has been since 2007. And what did I find for all my troubles up to this point? More ESPN crap! These analysts of ESPN just yapping all draft long about this player and that player and blah, blah, blah! I don’t even like all of their yapping during the real draft, why in hell would they think anyone would want to hear their yackity yack in their fantasy game?

It’s official - ESPN is more narcissistic than I am.

The nightmare drags on when you try and resign your players. And forget about making a trade, I don’t think it can be done. The whole process from A to Z is crapola by the ton full. It is one aggravation right after another. I don’t think I found one single thing I like about Madden 13. ESPN took all of the fun out of the game. Even playing a game is a headache. Who wants to throw 5 interceptions in a game every game!? Well, that is what you can expect when you play Madden 13. Even though, the plays are very similar to that of Madden 12. (I love Madden 12) And because there is so much junk on your screen in Madden 13, it is slower than molasses in a Vermont winter storm.

In Madden 12, you have free agent bidding after the season, and you can resign your players with a fair amount of ease although, once in a while you have difficulty resigning some of your “diva” players unless you’re willing to pay out of the butt to resign them. I also like the draft set up on Madden 12. The rookie free agent add-ons after the draft and prior to pre-season is great in my book. Cut days is fun as hell. You don’t get that in Madden 13. Also, as a side note, when calling defensive plays, I like to move my linebackers and safeties around and reposition them from time to time before the offense snaps the ball, and guess what? You can’t do that with Madden 13 either. The players will move back into their regular position if you do, and go to another a player. I hate that! I know where I want my players to line up on defense!

ESPN must be Democrats; they refuse to let me make my “own” decisions.

Don’t even get me started on scouting. In Madden 12, you get to pick 20 players to scout, then 20 more (or the same 20) during combines and then you get to work out five players individually. In Madden 13, you have to earn brownie points in order to just open a few of the gazillion categories to scout just one player. I understand the concept of trying to make it as real as possible, but too real is too much. In the end it is still just a game. The only thing missing in madden 13 is coach Madden digitally kneeling to his digital knees and kissing the digitally exposed asses of the digital ESPN executives. Hey Madden, word up dog, you’re the king of the prom – not the fat boy who brings his third cousin. Enough of this already. You gave ESPN experiment a shot and it failed. Count your losses and move on. Get back to Madden Football by keeping the focus on the football. It is the game of football that makes it great, not the fluff of ESPN. There is way too much attention shown to the off season in Madden 13 and this is distracting while at the same time, all of the features that made Madden Football so great; was removed.   

Needless to say, I no longer own Madden 13; I took it back and got my money back in the process. I then went to my local gamer store and bought a couple of used Madden 12’s. Stocking up on them in the event Madden 14 is as stupid and useless as Madden 13. But before I ever buy another new Madden game, I will go to the internet to find out if ESPN has their hand in it. If they do, count me out. I hope the Madden franchise learned its lesson, nothing good ever comes from getting involved with ESPN. ESPN is not football, football is football. Take ESPN out of it, Madden. You have lost a future customer of all new Madden Football games until you do. ESPN is a poison to all it touches. ESPN ruins everything. The only thing good about ESPN is their “Fantasy Football” game. I’ll play that until they screw it up then go CBS Fantasy Sports Football.

On a scale of one to ten – with ten being awesome! And one being WTF? – I rate Madden 13 at WTF? I wouldn’t own that game again if Madden and ESPN offered to pay me fifty dollars to take it off their hands. As my grandfather would say, “There is no amount of money.”

Yes, that is how much I hate that game.

Just leave my Madden Football Game alone, ESPN, please? Just leave it alone. Nobody cares what the real Skip Bayless thinks, much less, what a “digital” Skip Bayless thinks. Take from Madden 12. You got it right with that one. And whatever you do Madden Football; keep it real, just not too real. If I wanted “real” then I wouldn’t play Madden I would just watch ESPN everyday. But if I did that then I wouldn’t know what the crap was going on in the world of sports. 

I’m Carroll Bryant …. And this the Looking Glass.


Things We Learned Today:

* Madden 13 sucks

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